all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
