its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
