the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
