is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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