Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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