You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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