it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
