I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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