ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
