Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
