Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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