yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
