Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
