i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
