It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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