It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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