dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
