Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
