I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
