Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Randomize
