Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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