none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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