he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
