If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
