i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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