we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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