Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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