My hand turned me down
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
