So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
