those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
