when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
