Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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