I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is wine microwaveable?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
