I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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