that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
