i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
