i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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