I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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