He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
