Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
