What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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