He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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