Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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