I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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