How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
