i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have fence marks all over my body
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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