so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
