I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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