Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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