I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just pee around me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
