Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
