Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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