My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
