I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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