After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
