like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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