Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
