i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
